"And never miss a party if you can help it"

Like an unexpected house guest, my birthday seemed to show up this January without warning or permission, for that matter.  

I simply was not prepared.

As a kid, I remember the painfully long anticipation and excitement that would accompany my birthdays. Religiously, I would check the calendar for what seemed like an eternity as I counted down the hours, minutes and seconds to my big day. The final countdown moments the night before would be acted out in a spastic dance that culminated in an explosion of pure joy, adrenaline and sugar-crash exhaustion when my birthday FINALLY arrived.

 It was awesome, and I never wanted the calendar to leave January 22nd.

But this year, my birthday felt more like an inconvenient line item on my check list; one that I was all too eager to cross off as completed. I was a far cry from my younger self and I wondered what had changed.

For one, I suppose, it was simply the weight of growing older. I am not sure of the exact moment, but at some point time had started to pass at an alarmingly quick pace. The holidays and birthdays of my youth that used to take their precious time arriving, were suddenly knocking me out with rapid fire intensity. Adulthood had become a strange and ironic tug of war between wanting time to both speed up and slow down. I was losing on both fronts.

I was also still reeling from the Holidays. Like a one night stand, the Holidays had slipped away almost as quickly as they had arrived, and I found myself wondering if they had actually happened. How could I begin to process a birthday when I was still searching for the "thanks for a good night" note from the Holidays so that I didn't feel quite so used?

Finally, I  reasoned that the lack of fervor toward my impending birthday could be attributed to my "busy" schedule. I had work stuff, run stuff, and all kinds of other self-imposed stuff  littered across my calendar. There simply wasn't room for another event or to-do item.

Given how incredibly "busy" I was, there was definitely zero time to coordinate our traditional family birthday get together. We had always made it a point as a family to meet for dinner to celebrate all birthdays, but this year seemed far too stressful and challenging to arrange. In my defense, I wasn't the only "busy" family member. My mom was working most weekends, my dad was in the midst of multiple trials and my sister Kylie was busy planning her wedding. I didn't want to put anyone out with another calendar item. And as January quickly turned into February, I figured this year would simply have to move on without the family get together. 

February 3rd, however,  told me otherwise. 

First a call.

"We have a problem," my mom's voice warned from the other line.

"What?" I said as I tried to conceal my worry.

"Well," she began, "we tried to change the calendar to February and Jess wouldn't allow us."

Before I continue, you must understand that the turning of the calendar is a big deal in my parents household. There is typically a grand announcement as the calendar flips from one month to the next while Jess stands by in gleeful anticipation of all the events that will be transpiring in the coming month. 

You should also know that Jess is my awesome sister with Down Syndrome and that she LOVES birthdays, especially her own.

And so it was, that as my mom tried to move the calendar to February, Jess indignantly protested and demanded, "What happened to Kelley?!" 

As I hung up the phone, I chuckled at the vision of Jess stubbornly preventing the transition to February.

Shortly after hanging up the phone, I received a text from my sister.

Again, I chuckled, and realized we now had no choice but to rectify the situation. And so it was, in a unified effort to make sure that Jess could find peace and the world was able to move safely into February, that my family decided to make plans for dinner. 

On February 8th, 17 days after my actual birthday, I made my way to the valley to finally celebrate. Dinner was the typical mix of laughter, teasing, and stories, and as I sat there enjoying the company of the people who matter most to me in this world, I wondered what had kept me so "busy" that I had almost missed this moment of celebration. I wondered why I had needed a firm reminder from my sister that opportunities to see the people you love should never be overlooked. While I had laughed at her actions before, I was now overwhelmingly moved by her refusal to let another day or month pass until my birthday had been properly celebrated. 

How had I almost missed out on partying with these two goofs?

During dinner, my dad aptly brought up a documentary he had recently watched entitled , "Life according to Sam." The documentary follows a young man by the name of Sam Berns who was born with a rare disease call Progeria. In the documentary he outlines his philosophy for leading a happy life. His final guideline, which had stood out to my father and which seemed all too fitting for this gathering, was simply to "never miss a party if you can help it." 

I think Jess would agree.

When we returned home from dinner, we gathered around the counter, dimmed the lights, and Jess counted down to a round of "Happy Birthday" as she has for every birthday that I can remember.  And as I made a wish and blew out the candles, I saw the relief exhale from her body. 

We could now move on to February.

Blowing out the candles. My dad is still getting the hang of his new iPhone :)

What had started out as a way to appease my sister, had turned into a lesson. As usual and in her own way, Jess was gently reminding me about what is truly important when she refused to let January pass. Calendars shouldn't simply be viewed as giant to-do lists; they should be centered around people, experiences, and celebrations. Of course there will be the mundane tasks and tough moments that find their way on our agenda, but they shouldn't prevent us from focusing on what matters. 

I hope that I can try to look at each day and month with a fraction of the youthful excitement that I once did. I hope I don't let the passing of time or a busy schedule always prevent me from enjoying the moment. Finally, I hope I can stand in front of the calendar and celebrate the coming of a day or month with some of the same joy my sister does, knowing that there are always people and events to be celebrated.

I hope I try to "never miss a party." 

At least, "not if I can help it."


(Sam Berns also has a Tedx Talk where he talks about his philosophy for a happy life. I highly recommend the 12 minutes. He has since passed, but his influence has certainly left a mark on me)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36m1o-tM05g